Killed the Kitchenaid, got gluttened

I'm mourning the demise of the second Kitchenaid in 10 years. Never mind that there's a mill attachment, doesn't like grinding grain. I bought a Mr. Coffee mill for grinding small batches of pea flour for $40 dollars...and then I went to Cash n Carry and bought a 50 lb bag of rice flour for $29.08.

People, unless you live in the sticks with outrageous shipping, there's no reason to mill your own flour. 50 lbs of beautifully milled, silky-fine Pacific rice flour is an excellent deal when you consider the time spent milling your own, and lets face it; my Kitchenaid wasn't delivering flour that fine even when I double-ground it. The verdict: use it as a stand mixer and pony up the cash for a dedicated flour mill if I ever need to mill flour again.

Speaking of flour, I decided to see what would happen if I skipped the eggs in my waffle mix and used a bit of flax instead. Ugh! Very crispy, dense waffles that stuck to the iron. Okay for sandwiches, but not what I wanted. I did learn that reducing fat improves crispiness, if I ever need to know.

Also, don't use popcorn flour in place of cornstarch in the flour mix; you'll wonder why your batter is so thin and you have to stir it so often. I learned that in my second batch of waffles. (I made a bunch to freeze for sandwiches over the next couple of days.)

Don't use the gluten tainted sugar in this mix (we used the measuring cup in the wheat flour before it was banned to measure sugar) "just for the kids". You might, I don't know, wake up one morning and absently think, "Oh, waffles," and eat a bite. Don't be cheap; let them use it up in cookies you won't be eating. You know, with the milk chocolate chips you can't have, but still have lots of because you buy in bulk.

My sweet 12 year old went to a buddy's sleepover and returned as his evil twin. The Jekyll-Hyde thing is almost shocking. He was glutened good, and now we see how many days it takes to set him right. Not looking forward to our Alaskan vacation, because we won't even try to keep him off gluten around our vast family. We'll just have to growl and bear it until we get home and straighten him out.

I will also be looking for a gluten free painkiller (Tylenol, according to their website, is safe). My throat threatened to close and I thought I was having a panic attack over Equate ibuprofen, and if I didn't have cayenne caps and candied ginger in stock, PMS would have taken me down. Three cayenne caps + 1 slice candied ginger (or three ginger caps) do wonders for pain, but I'd rather carry ibuprofen in my purse for emergencies.

I need a t-shirt with a catchy gluten free slogan. "Gluten must die" is cool, but I want something positive and chic, and funny is always cool. Maybe an angel and gluten devil on my shoulder?